What kind of help do people need the most? For instance, If you know someone that is really unattractive, what might be the best way to help them? Tell them that they need plastic surgery? Point out their flaws? How about loving them, being a true friend to them, just the way they are?
If you know someone that is unhappy, what might be the best way to help them? How about telling them how stupid it is to be unhappy? Try to convince them that being happy is better? Or how about just loving them, being a true friend to them, just the way they are?
If you know someone that is judgmental, what might be the best way to help them? Pointing out the error of their ways? Judging them for being judgmental? Or how about just loving them, being a true friend to them, just the way they are?
What if a person is negative/pessimistic? What might be the best way to help them? Shoot them and put them out of their misery? Call them names? Insult them? Or how about just loving them, being a true friend to them, just the way they are?
In my examples above, I mentioned both physical and behavioral issues. Some might think that they are very different things, but I don’t think so in the context of this writing. If a person is physically challenged, indeed, they did not choose that. On the other hand, if a person was born into a family that exhibited negative behaviors, they would likely inherit those traits as well, and again, neither did they choose that. The behavioral traits of a person may even be more insidious in that they may be completely unaware that they even exhibit those traits. It’s who they are….not who they are trying to be. Therefore, when someone attempts to correct that behavior, they are, in essence, insulting the very person exhibiting the behavior. Make sense?
I’m of the belief that love cures all, and the lack of love is at the root of most human psychological issues. It seems to me that criticism (accurate or not) only makes matters worse and is fodder for the devil. Criticism does nothing to build a person up and that is what we are called to do (Eph 4:29).
As we all know, love in word only, is hypocritical and useless. My Christian Interpretation would be that true love is loving in actions and in truth (1 John 3:18), and a person that is truly loved will find healing without even looking for it. It takes time, though. In many ways, we are the sum of our experiences, and I’m certain that virtually every one of us could use and benefit from a heaping helping of love and acceptance.
4 comments:
Sometimes, even if someone is born with a behavioral tendency or if they grew up with it around them and don't see it as a negative behavior... if they are a fellow believer we are called to call them on it-- in love... but still call them on it and encourage them towards change.
Just because one is born with ADHD does not mean that they are to excuse poor behavior choices on it... but should strive to work through it/with it... and it is loving to tell a brother or sister in Christ that you have a relationship with areas that they can improve apon. If you do not, you are doing a disservice to them in their relationship with the Lord.
"Therefore, when someone attempts to correct that behavior, they are, in essence, insulting the very person exhibiting the behavior." "Criticism does noting to build a person up and that is what we are called to do (Eph 4:29)."
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, TEACHING and ADMONISHING one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. -- Col 3:16
Sometimes building up requires tearing down (together, not you doing it to them, but showing them where you see the cracks and poor alignments with scripture-- and then helping where they ask you to help them) because if you just continue to build on a bad foundation the wall will later crumble and fall even harder.
And that is LOVING.
Thank you for your comments, Takolarua. What about the 'judge not' aspect of Jesus' teaching? Do you feel it wouldn't apply? I think that anytime we put ourselves in the position of 'correcting' others the red flag should go up. After all, exalting ourselves and judging others is a natural tendency to many, if not all, humans. True selfless love, on the other hand, is rare. I find that when we incorporate our natural tendency to judge and label it love, we need to look very closely at ourselves. That doesn't mean there isn't a place for 'gentle' instruction, but we should think that through very carefully.
When we show someone -out of love and not hatred - scripture, and show them that what they are doing is not pleasing to God we are not judging them--
Scripture has many references/ examples of the body of believers needing to call people on their behavior... both old and new testaments. The early church and Paul especially. Most Pauline examples are in regards to fellow believers, but in the Gospels, John the Baptist and Jesus call people to repent of their sins. Some are in group settings, not singling specific people out, and some are individuals.
I would agree that gentle instruction is best, at least as a first effort... for example when the woman was going to get stoned, Jesus gently instructed both the stoners and the woman, Philemon... but there are other times that gentle instruction is not appropriate. Jesus and the sellers and money changers in the temple courts... Paul confronting Peter.
Children-- "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." To me that says don't do things that will cause your children to be angry and hatred towards you and others, but at the same time you can't ignore the sin in their lives just because they have a tantrum (whether they are 2 or 13 or 17). If you do, then you are the priest Eli in Samuel.
Non-believers: Non-believers are a different ball of wax. While God hates and abhores different behaviors, and non-believers will potentially have to answer to those behaviors when standing before the Judge, the Judge is ultimately going to look at one issue -- the rest are all just supporting evidence-- the issue of the fact that they don't believe.
BUT... in a gentle but firm fashion... with unbelievers in whom you have a relationship with (even short I met you today, but clearly have an interest in hearing the Gospel)-- showing them what sin is in a scriptural way (for example "Here God says lust is sinful" "Here God says being angry is sinful" "Here God says gossip is sinful" "Here God says homosexuality is sinful" "Here God says _________ is sinful")... talking about what sins they specifically commit-- gives you a basis for sharing Christ.
Going around yelling "You are of the devil because you are homosexual or because you aborted your own child" is not loving. I still don't think I would call it judgmental because God clearly lays out in scripture that he abhores these things... but I don't think that God would be pleased with us because we are looking at someone's sins instead of looking at and loving the person as he loves them.
It's loving to tell someone that God is real, that God loves them, and desires them to turn to Him and turn away and repent of their sins... and I will still be here even if you don't repent today.
I think for the most part, we are talking about different things here. My comments weren't meant to relate to children, or child rearing, nor were they referring to immoral acts and the like. Of course, we are supposed to attempt to keep the church pure and confronting those issues using the biblical example (Matt 18) would be in order. My examples were meant to convey attitudes. What is the 'best' way to help an adult person whose perspective is generally one that conveys unhappiness? Maybe it's been that way for years. It's who they are. Surely a lecture isn't going to do it. Unconditional love and acceptance might help, though, especially over the long haul. Being a true friend to them might help over the long haul. As that true friend, you would have that opportunity to be an example and an encouragement to them. That's the point I was trying to make. I apologize if my initial post wasn't clear enough. Thanks again for your comments.
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